So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
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