He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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