Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
