Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
