12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
