non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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