I accidentally burped into my bong.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
