it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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