I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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