I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
