I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
