I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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