I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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