Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
