How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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