I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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