Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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