im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
