oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
