hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
