I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
