If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
