Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
