How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
