How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
