i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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