omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
