so that wasnt chicken after all
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
