If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
