yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
