i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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