we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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