doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
