So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
