Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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