You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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