possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
