And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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