Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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