I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
