And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
