i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
