Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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