I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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