I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
