its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
She announced her abortion via fbk
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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