Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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