I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
