Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
