Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
