exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
