By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
