dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
