what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
He felt like a one man threesome
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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