Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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