I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
